So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
