dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
