Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
