The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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