so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm passing your future prison.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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