Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
