you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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