He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
