just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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