your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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