i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it's like iHOP with fire
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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