Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
