it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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