Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
