Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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