Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
