i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
