I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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