My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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