She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
