evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
