U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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