Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
