It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
