I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
