Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
