Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
