YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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