I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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