Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
