He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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