Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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