oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
