Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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