So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
