i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
