now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
