The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
