My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
