marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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