i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
