I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
