I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
