ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
