does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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