Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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