I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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