i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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