Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
