Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
