I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
