we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
