i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
