how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
