she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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